My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
