Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
