my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
