her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
