return my video game
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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