Already got asked if we're dating
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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