When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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