so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
