But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
