the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
