Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
