you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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