i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
