I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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