He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
