I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
