yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
