I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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