Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
