i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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