Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
