Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
