i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
