i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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