I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
