For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
