Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
