I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
