Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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