oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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