Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
