So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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