that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
