Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
