I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
