Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
