You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
