You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
