Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
