I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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