I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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