ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I cut my penus on the lid.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
