I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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