i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
