I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
