I'm lost and stupid without you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As shirtless as possible
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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