Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
