You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
