Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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