The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
