Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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