I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
