I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
