I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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