She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
