the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
