I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
